Mermaids again

Fekin hell, things have changed since my last post. My husband left me on the 4th August after 10 years, he didn't say a word beforehand, just left. Big big shock. He left to find himself and promptly found someone else in the shape of his 30 year old, slim, blond, childless Osteopath who he had met a few months previously. They are currently on holiday together and I am currently at my Parents house on the Isle of Wight attempting to heal a bit and deal with all the pain, anger, betrayal and loss. It's been a shit summer. Though I have started to see the possibilities of a new dawn, mainly because I have to, I still feel pretty full of all of those emotions as you can imagine.

Still trying to keep a civil tongue in my head or no tongue at all for my little boys sake. He asked Daddy what he has been doing today and he said he'd had a nice climb and a bike ride, and much else besided I've no doubt. Mummy just couldn't fit that stuff in for Daddy between the housework and childcare, what a shit wife I must have been. Oh well he gets to play at being Daddy a few days a week and is free to shag his climbing partner the rest of the time. And he'll have the healthiest back he's ever had, classy of her to go through her lists for married men, lets hope she doesn't make a habbit of it. Wait till she get pregnant and see what happens then.

Little vent of bitterness there, I'm sure my audience of two would forgive me.

I seem unable to express these feelings in my making however am mostly embroidering, some words, some pictures, just finished a sweet little mermaid. Bit of a theme going on there. No leeds to transfer photos right now but will do when I get home. How genteel when I feel I could be smashing things and painting huge panels of violent oils.

Not so much room for that here though, I'll have to save that for when I get home.

May I transcend this time and become whole and better, bigger, more serene and more assured.

Love to you two if you are reading this,
Lxx

Mermaids and blue ground

Heloo,

found some pics of my mermaid, need to finish off the wicked red one that I have got rather stalled on.

Been scrubbing the kitchen and will be painting it, within days possibly(!) in the delicious 'blue ground' by farrow and ball that the lovely http://dancesforpies.blogspot.com/ has given me, bless her with angelic baby resting help.

Had to return my chilli painting back its rightful owner today (see May 20th 2009 post for pic), sad, thinking that I really need to motivate myself to do another one, can I do it again? It was done in extreme conditions that I'm really not sure I can replicate. I am a spasmodic and chancy painter at best, maybe with practice it might get more consistent.

tara for now

woohoo, made my first Folksy sale, nice little peridot bracelet to a nice lady in Otley.

Repair nightmares today, repairing jewellery is a jolly good way to get yourself a nervous tick and lose money. Never again, well not until I've finished this chain for Noi anyway, complicated ideas about creating a heat sink from playdough and foil...

Made some super kitch bunting from silver lame and violent pink english country garden material for my friend who is decorating the cabaret tent at the workhouse festival in Llanfyllin http://workhousefestival.co.uk . I will be off to the site tommorow for the rest of the week pretty much to help create a groovy space for the cabaret, kitchtastic.

I'm making a little toy banjolin for a small 2year old friend of mine, it's the most ridiculoulsy involved thing ever but has stopped both of us watching tv for two nights and has been fun. He'll probably break it instantly by mistake and I'll have to go off an cry. Bless him, his parents are instruments and he spends the whole time playing air banjo so I looked around the house, found a little applewood turned bowl and some driftwood and set to work. Time for me to wax it now, so I'd better get my apron on. The earrings for his mummy's birthday took no time at all. Pictures, must take some pictures, apologies.

wrestling but remembering perfect yurt days

Wrestling with my head today, argh. Got some photos to download of new bits, will discipline myself to do so later on, promise. Meantime here is a pretty picture of a yurt frame we made for a very nice chap called Dave Mountjoy, last year. This is the yurt frame up in the garden for checking, and that's my Dave checking it. Anyway somehow one of the roofwheel bracings cracked and we went down to beautiful Worcestershire to mend it for Dave M last weekend. It was the most magical day, we had a swarm of bees alight next to us, stick around for 3 hours then tootle off, without bothering us at all (we didn't bother them either). It was lovely to see Dave M as well and we stayed to help put up his summer home with him, will find a picture of that too in due course. He kindly paid us as well, funnily enough the exact amount for the petrol and a nice in at the Peacock Inn on the way home (stunning indonesean beef curry and very lovely people). Perfect day.

Back from the coast, blimey, it's much harder to sketch than I remember. I used to be quite good, now I'm shite, practice makes perfect eh? Here's the end beach at Portmerion where we spend alot of time in the summer, here's Monty and I sheltering from the midday sun under my magic sarong. I like sarongs, you can't see my body at all. Which is good. Think this the first picture of myself that I can bear to look at lately.

Sand, sailing and seaweed

Right then, we're off camping, lucky us. Off to Mrs Thomas's field next the Portmerion in North Wales. I'm also off to buy a nice sketchbook and a nice shiny new pencil or two as a little treat, to get me going. My inlaws are off to the Scillies today *Jelousface*, instead of to Scotland like they planned, you just can't tell where you'll end up when you are sailing. May the wind blow fair and the seas be kind to them. Pics of undulating sand at the end beach, Portmerion, and of some beaten silver and peacock pearl earrings I made a few months ago, my fave personal adornment at the moment.

Aargh, foiled by lack of organisation, all good stuff booked for this year, I pledge to return with some decent sketches from campingness, will also record and post some pics, promise. Have got a plege from darling husband that I can go to Hay on my own next year and gorge myself on culture all week. Oh, delayed gratification, how tortuous. Here are some picsof last June's solo visit to the Isles of Scilly, God, it was fantastic.

Plotting a visit to the Hay Festival, wish me luck universe... a combination of lack of confidence, not entirely positive thinking, having a 4 year old boy and husband and very little money may just scupper that. CBT good today, must retain the force.

Lest it look like I'm obsessed with carving little dollies, nice as that is, here's a nice necklace or two to vary the view. I made these last year after a very inspiring visit to the Isles of Scilly, I got into the edge of the sea, the froth, the seaweed, all that lovely soothing salty randomness. So, here's one with peacock pearls in fine silver wire, and one with peridot chips. They are crocheteted with a little tiny old needle from a chazzer, it wore all the skin off my fingers but they look great on. The pearl one lives up in Whitby now.

Isis and Luck

This is Isis, she's another peg sister, she lives in the US now. Just working out where the comments are, thanks Gemma, you're a sweetie. Counting my blessings here, been on a course today with relate, cripes, my problems fade into obscurity and I thank heaven for my life. Good to be reminded of that occasionally.

Cheered by the addition of a follower - Gemma, how sweet of her (and those chocolate crackles look delicious by the way, today's blueberry muffins just didn't deserve a pic, not so bouyant), I'll work out how to link to your site too eventually.

Been fretting over my lack of design ethic - I think a visit to the library may be in order. Anyway, here's another pic to make the site worth looking at, hmmm, what shall I put on today...

A nice acrylic paining of a chilli that has temporarily returned home, I did it last year on a bit of old plywood on the morning of the birth of my friend's son (they love chillies too so I gave it to them). It came home to go in my portfolio for my interview with Glyndwr in Wrexham to do an applied arts degree, no answer yet, may the applied arts fairies look kindly on me...

Oh my God, she's got no clothes on....

This is Red, she's carved from a peg, she's got really great shoes, which I'll post a pic of in a minute.

A funny thing happened to me yesterday, I was looking for a friend's blog, got sidetracked by the Oswestry blog listings and found my own blog! I had COMPLETELY forgotten I even had one, even suspected another friend had put it together for me and not told me.

It was like seeing a snapshot from another life, there I was in 2006, trying to promote a band that no longer exhists (see picture - a friendship that thankfully, still does). Since then I had a breakdown and survived, I don't sing so much right now but it's coming back.

I have found my way back by making stuff, I'm gonna put some pics on this site if you want to look at them. It may just keep me making when the black dog stalks and maybe, with a little help from my friends, I'll find a little more peace and a little more confidence everyday.